Swimming Against The Current

It takes courage to swim against the currents and I have been doing exactly that throughout my life.

Being a feminist since I was about twelve, I never left my chair for a girl, I always apposed the idea of a separate line for ladies and hated the term “Ladies first” for me they are all ways to impose the idea that ladies are weaklings. In School I gave a hard time to my english teachers by always using “her/his” instead of “his/her” and “She/he” instead of “he/she”, I always avoided using “He” for human race and I never used the word “mankind”, actually I used to alter it with “Human beings” , “Human” or “human race” which really used to piss off my teachers. Besides being a crazy feminist I have always been a revolutionist, a non materialistic person, an art freak and a Ghazal lover.

There is very little in common among any of my friends or my cousins because none of them are as insane as I am. Being the only child of my parents and being so crazy that I don’t see almost anything from a normal point of view pushes me into a space where I am all alone.

Sometimes this swim against the currents breaks me into countless tiny fragments. I takes time to pull pack each and every fragment together and continue the swim again. I have learned to swim only against the currents and don’t know how to other wise. When I see every single person around me going in one direction and me in the absolute opposite I feel so lost but in this journey I do find a person or two, who are of course better and more stronger then me going more swiftly against the strong currents. I am not as skilled as they are and am not as strong at least not yet.

Dark, Humid and Scary.

Being antisocial is killing me, today I went out after ages. I felt too shelled, too shy and too nerve racked .. *Sigh* the depression is mounting, the stress level is too high, it’s killing me, and the pink tab is making is worst.

Remember the jigsaw of my life, the odd crocked peace is disturbing the whole color pallet of the jigsaw, its curves don’t fit, it’s colors don’t match and we are trying to press it, squeeze it in one place or the other.

It is like I have completely stopped moving and the whole world is moving at light speed all around me. It’s scary to realize that you are surrounded by only back stabbers and every other hand you will shake will only burns your heart.

This is what it has been like these days, dark, humid and scary.

who knows Who/what I am ?

I am a cocooned person, I don’t know if I will bloom into a butterfly or will end up giving off silk, but at least I am of some use.

In 1999 I won a web designing “Azadi” competition held by dawn, after which I joined Infotrain and ended up designing several demonstrations and web sited for them. I made many websites for Agha and so many people and most of them paid me no more then 500 for the whole thing.

I started up Redwaves Solution but my partner turned out to be crazy, I had worked really hard with Direct web, a project which was bound to make millions but sadly a badly marketed project sank to the bottom of the sea

By this time I was totally really dishearted so I started up blogging, painting and photography. It was more self satisfying, and now I am on a path of self discovery.

I am a blogger, photographer, painter, Art freak, feminist, a web designer, a social worker……. and when people ask me ” what do u do ? ” a simple question becomes the most complicated then ever to answer. I surely don’t know who I am ? What I am ? I don’t even know if I am good or bad ? I really don’t know my self I am a confusing person, who is confused him self. *Sigh* who knows what or who I am….

Asad Amanat Ali Khan Is no more.

It’s a shock to know that the great Asad Amanat Ali Khan is no more with us. His death had created another great vacuumed in the world of classical music. He was one of the legends of music in our country, his death is a great loss.

I couldn’t stop my self from shedding tears when I saw the news moments ago. He was a great performer, a wonderful artist, and a legend. May Allah Bless his soul.

I don’t have words to express my grief, It’s a great loss but he will live on in our hearts as a legend indeed.

Random Gossip

I cooked almost all day. In the afternoon I made pasta with kidney beans and thou sand-island salad which consumed the whole bottle of mayonnaise, ketchup and pickles (American Style pickles). I even emptied the bottle of olives and capers and dill which means I will have to make a trip To Naheed and D-mart tomorrow to fill my moms Kitchen fridge again.

I did all this cooking for a chief Chef Of Mecca Continental who is also my uncle who is here in Pakistan for just a few days after which he will go to India. I took what I cooked to his place where he was preparing chicken corn soup for us. How could I let such a chance go away, so I helped him up in the kitchen. We had to grind the corn as Pakistani sweet corn in canned raw, I whisked eggs, helped him strain the broth, we added corn, salt and stuff to the soup. We even prepared the Chinese Chilly in vinegar and his Saudi brand of Vinegar is fantastic….

Any how soup was just delicious and so was the Biryani my aunty makes. My mom who her self is an excellent cook had taken a few dishes of her own which my uncle and auntie will be having tomorrow because they love my mom’s cooking. The evening ended leaving me stuffed to the brim and yes everyone enjoyed the dinner and all the talks.

After having such a great time I just came home and started typing hastily so I could share it all with you :).. Crazy. Am I not ? But I love to be crazy at least this much.

Ooh talking about me being crazy reminds me …

I was snooping into my niece’s orkut and from her friends friend to her/his friend somewhere in the chain I found a profile of a complete stranger, her Photography considering that she is a school girl is great. I scrapped her advising her to start flickring up her photos.

When I see young children with an eye to see I want them to turn towards art, I want them to nurture there senses and build them. In our society Parents often think their children have freaked out when they see them painting or taking pictures of trees instead of family members. They should realize that their children have a talent but often they don’t and the talent dies …

I hate to see children getting impressed with wealth, designer labels and expensive phones, I love them when they show their interest in nature, in the creations of Allah, In the amazing harmony of the world. This is the very reason I wanted to bring Kids-with-camera To Karachi.

See I am a completely crazed human, I am an art freak, a feminist since I was 10, Muni Bagum fan since I was in pre_school, a day dreamed since I was born, a cat over since I was in class 3. I used to eopen up all my toys and I once tried to plug in a de toy car motor into ac 220 and ended up singing due to electrocution, I once sewed my finger in sewing machine, I had setup a small library when I was in class 3, I used to fight with crows to feed their babies bread :P….. Ooh GOD was I ever Normal ? I guess not 😐 But thank god I did not chose the flip side of the coin :), I am happy and currently jobless, penny less and yet so full of hope and so content, yet another sign of craziness Ooh I am just too tired to continue. You guy bore your self over some other thing ..

To Dawn

To DAWN after reading this .