Raat kaanch kay sheeshay ke tarhana toot gaee .. Chandnee zameen per bikhaar ker khamoosh hoo gaee … woh jo aik larkee thee, uss raat Khushe ke shahnaeee kay saeey main aik umeedh ke girrha bandh ker apnay palooh ko apnoo say churra ker kisee anjaan kay ghar gaee thee … woh apnay armaanoon kay khoon mey doob ker mar gaee … Aab Uss ka jisam kisee wahshee kay hanth ke katputlee hia ….
It was the end of January when I got typhoid after which a bit of phenomena flared up into a chest infection which to this date is being treated. I am was put on steroid and now when the doctor is tapering the medicine I am getting occasionally elevated fever, mood swings, depression and fatigue.
Depression has been at the peak since all these days, I fell isolated, lonely, sad and totally shattered from within. The country’s political situation, inflation, food and economic crises are adding much to my depression.
I have been sitting on my computer and analyzing the program codes of the very operating system I had been relying upon all my life and realizing the dreadful errors which had always been there in the main structure of the program code but I and every one who had been using this operating system and even those who had been there when it was created and even those few who shed their sweat blood for this very operating system have just now realized the basic flaws in it’s whole creation, but it is far too late now, we are somewhat addicted to it and too much of our data, hard work and hope are invested in this God Damn Operating System…
This operating system was a mistake, no doubt. But how to undo this mistake specially when we have come so far ? What a loss it would be ? So much time money and efforts on a project which was designed to fail sooner or later. What a bunch of fools we were.
Software designing is a heartless business, It takes away the best out of people, developers stay up for nights, and for all their sweat, blood and efforts they only get enough to keep their children barely fed.
I guess I will stick to web designing and arts along with writing and blogging, that is what I am good at, for the rest of it I simply don’t have the heart to make fool out of innocent souls, making them work hard, giving them false hope and latter shattering all their dreams with a simple “Sorry”
Today I am penny less, not a dime in my pocket with my parents stretching their little monthly earnings to the limits to barely keep the house running, but thanks to Allah Almighty that I am in no way poor and I am glad I always prefer buying books over food.
I don’t know if I make any sense at all, I am myself confused. The I don’t know if I should morn on the wracked computer codes but that would be useless yes May be I should move ahead, surely I must, I must move on this time with my eyes open and not to repeat the mistakes of the past. But will I be able to do that ? Who knows, may be or may be not, but that doesn’t matter what matter’s is that I must try.