In our society as soon as a girl is born, we start telling her that her prime goal is to get married off, and without marriage their whole existence would be a useless burden for either her parents of her brother. In society such women are looked down upon with pity, “baychari ke shadi ke umer nikal gaee” in English we even have a word for them “spinster”. so from the day she is born it is taken for granted that this girl is destined to get married to be respected in the society.
The desperation of the situation becomes visible once the girl is old enough to be married off, Age 19 – 25 is consider the ideal age for a woman’s marriage, which is when the true disgusting state of the patriarch society comes to almost full visibility, at least to those who can see and have a heart that still has some sense of feelings attached to it.
When any possible marriage prospect (possibly eligible men) comes knocking at the door of the girls house, The girl is all dressed up in nice and presentable outfit and paraded in front of the man and his whole family, who are told that the girl is very timid, can cook well, she is good at maintaining the house, and is very religious. Timid: so she wont raise a voice when her husband will beat her, she will do just as he says to, and follow him blindly, Good at Cooking and maintaining the house: She will cook, clean, and do all the house keeping. very Religious: So religion can be misused to make her feel guilty and keep her further oppressed under the man’s thumb.
The boy and his family scrutinizes the girl, they look for other faults, mostly physical. There eyes judge her body, complexion, height, weight, her eyes, nose, ears teeth, even breasts, and no i am not exaggerating or joking here. The boy, forgets all about his own sister and mother, he looks. and not only that all these things are discussed seriously in details once the boy and his relatives are back at their home taking their sweet time announcing their verdict to reject or accept the girl.
The girl too is just another human, she can really tell by the piercing looks of the boy and his family that she is being scanned minutely from head to toe. every physical aspect of her is in question. they are looking for signed of any fault in her body. she is being judged for only what she is but not who she really is. and then she has to wait, wait for days, thinking if this one will reject her, will there be another one, what faults will he find in her, is she acceptable in the society at all.
Only very few lucky girls get an approval call from the first man they are paraded in front of. most of the time they are rejected a few times before someone approves of them. but the grounds on which the rejection comes are actually heart breaking. “The boy is saying she is too short” or “her complexion is a bit dull ” for some she may be too tall, or too fat, they might not find her eyes too attractive, or maybe someone wont like her teeth.
it is very rare that people would look for a bride on grounds of who she may be and not what she may be like. but for a boy anyone who is earning a good living, no matter how how he is doing that is considered an eligible match, His education, looks, his mindset are qualities which are almost never questioned.
its exactly like parading your commodity, like a goats or a cows in front of a possible buyer who would kept them well fed to milk them for his benefits. We don’t think twice what our own sister go through when they are judged for their physical outlook for marriage, and then rejected as if she was a piece of lifeless furniture which wont match the fine decor of his room.
But we follow this disgusting patriarch culture blindly without questioning it as if it is an unquestionable part of our religion just because that is what our society does. For the fear of what others may think, we become totally inhuman undermining women making them feel oppressed on yet another ground.